You Wouldn't Catch Me Doing That!

A true expression of bravado, if ever there was one!  There are several possible meanings to it, possibly identified by the intonation of the speaker.  Spoken defiantly, it could indicate careful planning before the execution of something unlawful, ensuring so far as possible that the speaker wouldn't be observed or apprehended.  Spoken in a spirit of self-confidence, it could imply that he or she would not consider actions that could result in the situation being referred to, or would take precautions to avoid that result.  Or, a stage further, it could be said with self-deprecation, and suggest a reluctance to offer or apply for a position or office that would lead to such a situation.

These are words that have come to my mind in a number of ways just lately.  Some apply to me, some to others about me or involved with me.

There are rules governing all we do in life, some general, some specific; some enforceable in law, others depending on courtesy.  In the voluntary work I'm doing at present, I began earlier in the year doing what, in effect, amounted to copy-typing material in a foreign language.  Specific rules dictated what to type in certain circumstances, such as printing instructions that had to be inserted amongst the text; ensuring the correct positioning of punctuation, and so on.  All these were on top of typing the correct letters, with the correct accents, in the first place.  The key thing emphasised in my training was checking: reviewing and correcting in order that the end result was as accurate as possible.

I have now been moved to the next stage in the process.  Everything is typed twice, by different people, and I'm now presented with two separate sets of documents, to compare to each other as well as to the original, with the objective of producing one final version that is an accurate and usable digital version of the printed original provided.  I can see now the importance of the checking!  Some of the errors I'm having to correct would require little checking by the typist to spot and put right before submission, and I find myself saying, "You wouldn't catch me doing that!"

Soon after arriving in my new home, several days of rain revealed the need for some attention to the roof.  As I watched this being carried out, with one man standing at the foot of the ladder for safety while his colleague actually repaired the flashing and applied sealant where necessary, I found myself coping with a variety of emotions.  One was envy, another was fear.  Once on holiday, I lay flat on my stomach and looked straight down the face of the Pont du Gard; I may even have taken a picture ... I can't clearly remember.  As a bell ringer I have often emerged from the top of a church tower to admire the view, but always from the safety of the surrounding parapet.  Watching that roofer walking with apparent abandon up and down the sloping tiles, I recalled days in the school gym, clinging to the top of a climbing rope, and my palms go wet even now as I remember both occasions over fifty years apart.

You wouldn't catch me doing that!

The pattern I've developed over the few months I've been here is to visit the supermarket for my grocery shopping every other Monday, and every other visit - i.e. once a month - I go across the road before returning home and fill up with petrol.  I presently have something less than half a tank of fuel in my car.  I hope to fill up this coming Monday, but if I can't, and the situation is not resolved by the time the tank is empty, I shall have to resort to plan B ... which has yet to be determined.  There are many reasons for the present crisis, which I don't propose to rehearse here.  Suffice to say that one of the most critical is a shortage of HGV drivers.

When I was driving I was fortunate to be using a vehicle that was unregulated.  However, the threat of that changing sent me to research the regulations that might have been extended in my direction.  Baffling doesn't begin to describe them.  In addition to these - with the underlying threat that failure to comply could mean the revocation of the driver's HGV licence - are the conditions under which those heavy haulage drivers have to work.  

I read a most informative summary on social media recently, posted by a British driver who regularly travels to other countries.  The regulations state that breaks must be taken regularly and some are specifically to be taken away from the vehicle.  The need to complete jobs in the least time possible, and fit in as much work as possible, all adds to the pressure to find somewhere to take the necessary breaks, whether for half-an-hour or a number of hours.  In this country, it could mean finding a motorway service station (with a hefty parking charge), or a roadside lay-by (if there's room).  If the rest period is to include a night's sleep, this is hardly likely to be sound and refreshing beside a busy main road! (I know - I've tried it!)  Put together several days like this up and down the country, and the need for proper sleep, washing facilities etc. builds up, not just physically, but mentally, too.  Drivers with families to get home to are under even greater pressure.

In France, Germany and other countries, said this driver, there are few main roads without a convenient spread of purpose built refuges for this purpose, certainly with toilets and often with showers, proper beds, and provision for a hot meal.  Those countries recognise that these men - and women! - are key to the smooth running of the economy and look after them.  For too long Britain has taken lorry drivers for granted.  They have to make do with what facilities they can scavenge, which is why thousands have left the road and let their licences lapse.  

The present temporary visa scheme, when it eventually get under way, will, I fear, be treated by foreign drivers with contempt.  Those who are already driving for other employers won't be interested, and those who aren't have either found other work or will look at the possibility of eight, maybe ten weeks' work in British conditions - with which they are probably familiar - with no guarantee of anything beyond Christmas ... and think that it's just not worth the hassle.

Someone asked me the other day if I had been tempted to help fight the present shortage.  When I was driving, I heard stories from parcels drivers (DPD, Hermes and the like) of being challenged to make well over 100 deliveries a day or lose pay; my reaction to them was that I couldn't stand that pressure.  My answer to this challenge was gladness that I never had an HGV licence, so wouldn't qualify, but given the conditions I've seen and heard about ... "You wouldn't catch me doing that!"