Well, doctor, it's like this ...

Have you ever had one of those aches - like a sprain, I suppose - that come from a definite cause, and give you great discomfort at the drop of a hat (or brick!)?  For what seems ages you struggle to cope with it, do things differently, or avoid tackling certain things altogether.  You moan and groan, wishing that whatever it was that caused it hadn't been done, that you had been more careful, and so on.  Then, just as you forget to moan, you suddenly realise that the pain is gone, that life is back to normal, and gradually you no longer recall just how incapacitated you were when the problem was at its peak.

The last fortnight has been a bit like that for me.  But I didn't drop anything on my feet, or bend over too much and strain my back.  No, it's not been a physical problem at all, but I have certainly done my share of moaning, cursing and muttering ... and it's not all over yet, although it is getting better.

It all stemmed from a phone call I had whilst driving along a few weeks ago.  It was from someone at Orange, putting to me what seemed at the time an attractive offer for a new contract to combine my broadband service with my telephone landline.  He went through all the points, the terms and the benefits, as I drove round the M25, and said he'd send me an e-mail with all the details.  It occurred to me that he hadn't asked for my e-mail address, so I asked him if he had this.  Yes, he said, and referred to one that was many years out of date.  I spelled out for him my present e-mail, and he quoted it back to me character by character.  I began to relax, thinking of all the money I was about to save.

A couple of weeks passed.  I received the letter I'd been advised would arrive from BT saying, in effect, 'sorry to see you go', and I pushed it to the back of my desk thinking I ought to file it somewhere 'one day.'  Then as I left for work one morning, it happened to catch my eye and I quickly read through it again.  'If you wish to change your mind,' it said, 'let us know before 4.0 pm on ...' and I read that day's date.  Suddenly I realised that I'd not seen that e-mail from Orange.  I had no point of contact with them; I had no idea whether the changeover that they had spoken of was in hand or not, and within hours my BT line would be discontinued.  PANIC!  Fortunately I was only going on a short job, and as soon as I got back I called the number in the BT letter.

The lady on the other end couldn't have been more understanding.  Within seconds, the threat to my landline was averted, and I was back to the status quo ante.  Once this was secure, she picked up on my explanation of what had gone before and, quite naturally, asked if I had thought about bringing my broadband to BT instead.  She then outlined a package that was as beneficial as that offered by Orange and, when I decided to accept it, told me that all I'd have to do would be to get a migration code from Orange.  When I told her I had no contact number for them, she gave me the number, and even managed to put me through!

After a couple of calls to Orange, involving countless explanations and transfers, I learned that they wouldn't be able to give me the code over the phone, but would post it to me.  Apparently their contract was in operation, they were on the brink of sending me the equipment, and as a result there would now be a cancellation charge - was I sure I wanted to make this move?  They offered no explanation why I had received neither any written confirmation nor the promised e-mail.  I felt it important to stand on a point of principle and against bad practice, and told them yes, I would proceed with BT.  A few days later, I received the code in the post, but not before another call came from Orange, telling me the code was on its way, repeating the threat of a cancellation charge, and giving me one final opportunity to change my mind.  It's too late, I told them, and noted when it arrived that the migration code hadn't actually been posted until the day after that call!

Immediately, I called BT and explained that I now had the necessary code and was ready to proceed on the terms they had outlined.  I was told that there was now an even better deal available, involving six months' free broadband.  There followed a succession of letters and e-mails from BT that couldn't but underline to me the wisdom and confidence of choosing to consolidate my position with them.  And at the end of these, at the beginning of last week, the box arrived - early on the appointed day - containing the new broadband hub.  Installation was straightforward, following the instructions provided, and I felt cock-o'-the-walk.

Then began my 'sprain', the sting in the tail of the whole exercise.  All the literature had indicated that for about ten days following installation, I would notice that the internet speed would be 'slow and erratic, sometimes even stopping'.  True on all counts.  It reminded me of many years ago when I had a dial-up modem that played a familiar tune as it dialled into the provider.  Sometimes it seemed to forget I was there, until I jiggled the cursor on the screen.  Now, though, there is nothing I can do but wait.  Social media sites have been slow to load; my bank connection has been timed out before I've completed the log-in process, and You-tube and i-player have presented me with black screens for minutes on end, and 'reception' has been jerky to standstill in quality when it does begin.  Downloading a podcast has been an absolute nightmare - with the 'time remaining' for a 60-minute programme varying from twenty minutes to several days, and changing wildly every few seconds!  I've lost count of the times I've given up, closed the internet window and got on with something else.

In the last couple of days, however, I've noticed a distinct improvement in most of the services and websites that I use regularly.  Response times are nowhere near as quick as they used to be, but I have to admit that, equally, they are by no means as tortoise-like as they were at the beginning of last week.  Most things are usable again, and for that I'm so grateful that I'm telling you all about it!