Cousins or Not?

In a hypothetical encounter between a genealogist and someone who isn't one, the most likely question of the latter to the former would be along the lines of 'What's all this about different grades of cousins and their removal?'  Let's face it, it's confusing enough for those of us who know about these things.  One definition would be the relationship between two people who share a common ancestor two or more generations older than them.

There are all manner of charts that attempt to explain the 'grades and removals'.  For my part, I prefer to find that common ancestor and work forward.  I'd probably do this on the back of the proverbial envelope (once I've removed the Christmas card, of course).  I work down the generations counting, 'Siblings, first cousins, second cousins, third, fourth fifth ...' and so on, until I arrive at one of the candidates, which will define the 'grade'.  I then carry on, now counting, 'Once, twice, three times ...' until I get to the other candidate, at which point I've determined how many 'times removed'.

To get the 'feel' of the relationship once I've defined it, I try and think of people I know, or have known in the past.  When I was very young, for example, if I were not at school on market day when the buses came into town from the surrounding villages, we might be visited by 'Cousin Emma', sometimes accompanied by her widowed sister, 'Cousin Mary'.  These venerable ladies, who looked terribly old to me, but were in fact less than 70 years my senior, had come for a chat and a cuppa (and no doubt a toilet break) before catching their respective buses home.  My relationship to either of these would be first cousin, twice removed, for they were, in common parlance, my grandmother's cousins, and our common ancestor was one William Brickham (1806-1889), who was their grandfather and my great-great-grandfather.

Another personal example features someone whom I knew long before I discovered we were related.  This lady, Elaine, was a skilled musician, and took over from my wife as the church organist when my daughter was born.  Occasionally, she would bring with her a wizened older woman who was her mother, and sometimes referred to as 'the princess'.  I gave her no thought at all until, many years later, I discovered that Elaine and I were related, and I found that her mother really was a princess: that old lady's father was the last Crown Prince of Burma, when it became a British colony in the 19th century.

The common ancestor who relates me to Elaine is one William Bootman (1768-1848), my great-great-great-grandfather, and we are fourth cousins, once removed.  What tickles me most about this discovery is that, in addition to being the church organist, she later became a teacher at the local high school, and my daughter, who was her fifth cousin, was one of her pupils!

This brings me to another whole dimension of this subject of cousins.  If, for example two sisters marry, each would regard the husband of the other her brother-in-law; she would have no blood relationship or common ancestor with him, but he would be related solely by the legal connection of marriage to her sister.  And it's quite possible that, particularly if they lived in the same community, the two men would consider themselves to be brothers-in-law, although only related by two independent marriages.  So far as I'm aware, there is no such link, either formal or informal, between cousins and their cousins' spouses.  I can't therefore claim any personal connection to royalty as a result of this cousin-ship, for Elaine's father (my fourth cousin) had married the Princess Alexandrina Victoria Evelyn MOWNG LAT in Burma in 1931.  The very most I could claim - and it would be so pretentious as to be embarrassing were I do to so - would be that the late princess was 'my fourth cousin by marriage'.

Next, let me introduce another musical connection.  One of the consequences of large families is a noticeable difference in age between the two ends of the next generation.  I have a second cousin - whom I have never met in the flesh - who is a prominent brass player.  Our common ancestor is our great-grandfather, who had a total of 11 children, born between 1884 and 1907.  My grandfather was the eldest of these; his was the youngest.  Strangely enough, he was in my daughter's class at school, and may well have been taught by Elaine as well!  One day, I had the great good fortune to be in the audience of a concert at which one of the performers was introduced in terms from which I understood that she was his fiancée.  Afterwards, I announced my connection to him and we have shared correspondence and personal interest ever since.  She is my second cousin by marriage; we consider ourselves to be cousins.  Do we have that right?

During the autumn I received advice from Lost Cousins of a connection that I'm now in the process of following up.  It transpires that my first cousin, three times removed (the niece of my great-great-grandmother), born in 1860, married the brother of this woman's great-great-grandfather.  We have another, equally tenuous link, in that the uncle of these two brothers became the second husband of that same great-great-grandmother's sister-in-law after her brother's death in 1874.  I think the nearest I can calculate our relationship is fourth cousins once removed, by marriage.

I challenge you, dear reader, if you want a Boxing Day puzzle, to work that one out!  In the meantime, I ask once more, are we cousins?